


Inhale, Exhale

by KaytiKazoo



Series: 2020 Prompts [28]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Abuse, Past Sequoia/Deke Shaw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaytiKazoo/pseuds/KaytiKazoo
Summary: After Deke breaks a cup, he's afraid of Daisy's reaction, but what he gets is something much softer.
Relationships: Deke Shaw/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Series: 2020 Prompts [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985246
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	Inhale, Exhale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoctorFitzy (KittooningMalijah)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittooningMalijah/gifts).



> Written for 50 Day Fic Prompt, “This is why we can't have nice things”, posted to [my tumblr.](http://kaytikazoo.tumblr.com)  
> Also, this work was heavily inspired by Alex's angst war fic, [you're (still) all over me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435370) which you should absolutely check out, it made me cry, it's so good.

She said it lightly as she picked up the shards of porcelain, with a laugh like it didn’t matter, but it still stung like she’d cut him with one of the shattered pieces. Deke wrapped himself in the sweater that he’d bought because Trevor always looked so cozy in his, and it wasn’t exactly socially acceptable to steal your best friend’s clothes. He’d tried. It comforted him, though, feeling like he had a piece of security with him all the time. It made sense why Trevor wore cardigans and sweaters like this so often.

“This is why we can’t have nice things,” Daisy said, picking up the pieces without looking at him.

“I’m sorry,” Deke muttered, and it sounded so small even to his own ears. “It was an accident.”

She looked up at him with a frown, and he tried not to flinch, but was unsuccessful.

“Deke, I’m not mad. Shit happens.”

He still couldn’t move, though, his entire body frozen as if she might not be mad if he didn’t move. Anger wasn’t a dinosaur, but he couldn’t convince himself, or his limbs, that.

“Besides, that was an old, ugly mug anyway,” she said, pushing her hair behind her ear. It was non-threatening but Deke had to swallow against the sudden fear that rose through him.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say. 

“Oh, Deke.”

She dropped the mug pieces into the trash and crossed to him, putting her hands out palms up.

“What are you doing?” he asked quietly.

“Take my hands,” she said.

He watched her face and then set his  hands on top of hers. His hands covered her entirely, but she still managed to cradle his hands lie they were precious.

“Things are replaceable. If something breaks, we can fix it or replace it. I don’t care about a broken cup. What I care about is  _ you _ . We can’t replace  _ you.” _

“There’s plenty of guys like me,” Deke said.

“No, there’s not. There is only one Deke Shaw.”

He started to shake his head but she gently squeezed his hands to stop him. Daisy had gotten very good at nonverbal communication, especially when he was panicking or had a  nightmare he couldn’t move past. 

“You’re unique in the universe, Deke. You are made up of a combination of atoms that have never existed before. There’s no one else in the history of the universe who is made like you.”

He couldn’t agree, he’d been replaced so easily before.

“We found you at the end of the world, a survivor, and you found your place in a  brand new time, building a  company from nothing but your own ingenuity – 

“– And stolen SHIELD tech.”

“Okay, and that. Whatever, we’ve forgiven you for that. I have, at least. You did what it took to survive. That’s not nothing, Deke.”

“It’s not enough.  _ I’m _ not.”

“You’re more than enough.”

“I – no.”

“Who convinced you that you’re anything less than absolutely extraordinary?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me. What happened when I was gone getting Fitz?” 

She moved her hand cautiously to his cheek, and he narrowly kept himself from flinching. She’d never hurt him, but there was another hand that had, smaller than his own. This is how it had started with Sequoia, too, with gentle praise and soothing his ego, just for her to turn around and tear it all away. Some days, he wasn’t sure that Sequoia knew what she was doing, that she was too rough, that she was mean. Some days he wasn’t sure he knew, either.

“There was a girl,” he replied.

“Sequoia?” she asked, and when Deke’s eyebrows rose in surprise, she shrugged. “I talk to Trevor too, you now. He never liked her.”

“We dated for  a while . She was the first person to show interest in me here, and I didn’t know any better.”

She  stroked her thumb over his cheekbone, which was unfamiliar but not unpleasant.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, it’s – it’s fine. It’s  embarrassing .”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Daisy said. 

“I should’ve known,” he continued. “How did I not  _ know _ what was happening?”

“Sometimes, it’s hard to step back and see the reality, especially with someone you love. You can love someone so much that you forget the bad stuff or look past it. That doesn’t make you stupid or naïve, Deke. That makes you human, and you’re not at fault here. She is  for  _ ever _ putting you in that position in the first place. You didn’t deserve that.”

“You don’t even know what happened.”

“I don’t need to. When I was a kid, I was shuttled from foster home to foster him, and some of them were abusive. There’s scars and marks on my x-rays – or there used to be, after I got my powers, I quaked my bones apart practically – from parents who just wanted the check and siblings who didn’t want another kid in the house. Would you say that I was at fault?”

“No, of course not, you were a kid.”

“And my ex-boyfriend, Neil, who broke my pinky for coding instead of paying attention to him? Was that my fault?”

“God, no.”

“Then why are you?”

“It’s – it’s different,” but he didn’t even believe himself as he said it. 

“Why? Because you’re a man? She shouldn’t have done that. That’s not okay for anyone to do.”

“Yeah,” he murmured. She brought his hand up and kissed his palm so gently he could have cried. 

“I don’t need to know what she did, Deke, but you are welcome to tell me when and if you’re comfortable with that. You’re safe here regardless. I will never hurt you, okay? And if you don’t like something, or anything is a trigger for you, let me know and I won’t do it.”

“Okay.”

She smiled at him, and smoothed her thumb over his beard a little.

“I like your beard like this,” she said sweetly.

“You do?”

“Yeah, fits your face. I like it.”

Deke smiled, which made Daisy beam at him.

“How do you always know what to say?”

“Years of saying the wrong things.”

He rested his forehead against hers, and let out a sigh, exhaling the fear that he would be sent away, that he wasn’t good enough, that he was broken, that he was weird, that he was desperate. On his inhale, he took in hope, and love, and joy, and a new change, and let the mix of relief and happiness flood through him. 


End file.
